How to make contact with the enemy?

Communication & ndash ; not the easiest thing. Sometimes it happens that after talking with some browcentury, we catch ourselves thinking that it is unpleasant to us, and even disgusting. Why do some people on our reaction neutral and adequate, others we literally can not stand on the spirit. And well, if you can not afford not to communicate with people who annoy us. And what if we have to deal with them on a daily basis, for example, school or Startedthose? How can resolve the internal situation of exclusion and rejection?

The reason for hostility lies in ourselves

Psychologists say that in the case of strong aversion to any person, the reason usually is no such thing as a projection. Projection – Protective mechanism having a principle of operation:We attribute this or that quality, which is pushed out of his personality to another person. That is, the enemy annoys us is a quality that we are absolutely not acceptable in itself and which do not allow us to be.
Sadly, but unpleasant for us people can be friends, children or parents – is not only poisonousyaet our lives because of the presence in it of the stimulus, but can destroy the relationship.

How to get out of this situation?

If you have realized that project from certain traits of your personality repressed, the other person should not eliminate the projection and integrated quality repressed person (integrationI – the process of transforming the quality of the repressed).

integration scheme:

1. Remember annoy you man;
2. In detail describe it to myself or aloud;
3. Tell me in detail aloud than it annoys you. Name all thatcan not stand in a person;
4. Now, imagine that you – actor and try to play someone who annoys you. Sign In his way, stay them, try to behave in the same way as he did. Copy it to the smallest details – speech, gait, tone of voice, gestures;
5. Determine what is irritating you the quality of the person. Be aware of the source, a little of this quality;
6. Create in your mind an image of quality;
7. Think about what benefits it can bring you. Can I convert it into a positive? How can this qualityhelp to overcome the difficulties of life? How it can help to resolve the conflict with an unpleasant person? And so on.

In addition, you still need to sort out what do you feel close to this man, and give yourself a chance to show the emotions that this person is you. If it is you razoangered – PAL if today it is particularly annoying you – Unleash irritation. Do not turn off the emotions and call them by their names. Make sure that in the sense of hostility is not hiding other feelings – shame, resentment for some actions, or envy. And do not forget to explain to myself what exactly you disliked this man caneven make a list of claims to it.
The main thing in the situation – understand the problem and the solution can come by itself.